Your hand within my reach,
might as well be a million miles away.
Your voice so clear,
but sounds so distant
A wall stands between us,
it will never be broken down.
I kick and scream at the barrier,
which keeps me from you.
You will always replace the bricks I remove.

Sweating,
It runs down her neck and chest.
Soaking,
The light fabric of her dress.
Pounding,
At the hard dry dirt, that coats her feet and legs.
Heating,
The summer sun, it feels like a hot lover on her dark skin.
Enticed,
The cool water across the way.
Her body,
Aching to be engulfed.
Pausing,
She lifts her face upward to the sun.
Smiling,
She thrives in the heat.
Pulsing,
Through her body.
Removing,
Her damp-clinging dress.
Loosing,
Herself in the water and Sun.

Sexual

Conservative

Free       Loving  

Erotic    

Invested

Controlled

Lost

Moving

Trusting

Searching

Looking

Excited

Longing

Documenting

Laughing

Sighing

Wishing

Wanting

Desiring

Passionate

Letting go

Holding tight

Paradox

Never beautiful enough.  Never perfect enough.

For you.

skin not smooth enough. muscles not tone enough.

For you.

No mask.

For you.

Chocolate eyes, tangled hair, brown skin.

Not for you.

This feels like driving away with the breeze on my face and moving through my hair.

I’m not running away but just making a change; going in a different direction.

I want to find new people and see new things. I want to make new choices and lead a new life.

I can’t wait to touch your hand and look into your eyes. I can’t wait to feel the comfort of being under your gaze and surrounded by your touch.

I don’t want to struggle. I don’t want to worry. I want to drop the weight and leave it all behind. This is peace.

I want to lie and laugh in the sun with you at my side.  Not speaking a word but communicating loud and clear.

Where is my story? Will it be written before it is over? Will it be told before it ends? Will it start before the finish?

I am scared. I do not have the strength to make it. The pit is deep. I need to be in the light.

I miss you.

I cannot see you. Encased in my heart, you are buried deep. I can only feel it beat when I am with you on your hillside. Only with you is it okay. In the scratchy grass, I sit and wait. Running my fingers across the cool metal plate reminds me of what will never be fulfilled. The fields are below and the mountains beyond. They are our mountains. I see your flowers are carried away in the wind and I hear the chime in the tree.  

I just want to touch you once. I just want to feel you once.

Like paint splattered in the wind you run across my heart. I only get the drops. I only get what is left over of the life and color. The afterthought.

I won’t drive you away.

To keep you is pain. To let you go is pain. You can’t ever be what I really need. What I really want. I still want you.

No. It is about doing the right thing. It is about making the choice. It isn't about the desire. It isn't about the wish. It isn't about the want. The Hes and Shes, they prosper. The rest, they don’t. It doesn't end.  It never changes. Telling so much. But not. The request to be vulnerable. But making it impossible. She can’t be strong. So another will be. Another will walk away. Another will leave you behind. Because she can’t. Knowing. Understanding. Why do you have to be so strong?  It's the lie all over again. Watching it again. All over.