I miss you. As though you were dead.

I want to see you. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you what I feel. I want to know what you feel.

But...

I know it is not what is best. And that is what makes it the hardest.

Loving you. Knowing it is not what is best.

My heart is broken. The tears they fall.

I may seem like ice. But you left me melted.

Making changes. Hearing new ideas.

I only want to share them with you.

You are the first one I want to tell.

Am I only being selfish in my thoughts. In my motives.

Hey, I got new glasses. I’m wearing contacts now. I’m seriously considering a tattoo. I’ve learned some weird shit in sociology of religion. Labor and delivery and pediatrics scares the shit out of me. All these things.

I want you to know.

I want you to know I think about you every single day.

And that isn’t just a line.

I was drinking less, but now I am drinking more. What I wanted out of life, what I wanted in a partner, had never felt closer than when I was with you.

But...

A single moment

                             when all feels right
A single moment

                             when all feels beautiful
A single moment

                             when all feels appreciated

A single moment

                             when reminded of one soul

A single moment

                             when appreciated is the past
A single moment
                             when appreciated is the present
A single moment
                             when appreciated is the future

A single moment

                             when there is a smile

The memories, they flood, my mind.

I remember you. I remember me.

Together.

Walking. Talking. Smiling. Laughing.

I close my eyes. There you are.

My breath. Stolen away by you.

My spine. Tingles at the thought of you.

My muscles. Chill at your touch.

My heart. Beats for you.

Cold, Clammy. Bumps. On my skin.

I can’t explain.

I can’t describe.

That moment.

My heart. It hurt.

Not because of pain. Because of joy.

It’s a secret. We share.

movinginthismomentpureinpassionpureinlustpureininstinctpureinintensitypureinfeelingpureinfirepureinmoonlightpureinfemalewhodanceswhotemptswhoembracesyou

I thought.        You.    were. gone.

You’re.

Darkness.

stabbing.

seeping.

saturating.

You’re.

Darkness.

clouding

crowding.

crushing.

Engorging.      You.    have. taken. hold.

I don't want to to break you. I don't want to break me.

If I touch you. Will you crumble? In my hands? Will you disappear? Will I?

I've barely gotten to see your soul. Will you leave this soon?

If I slow down...my heart...it stops beating.

My body...it will wither and die. The lion’s strength is only grounded in her fight to protect the weak. Tears will only blur her nightly watch.

Never free to run alone. Living for the life of others. Burdened by the weight of another.

Wanting to run away.

I tied myself to your mast and got swept away.

Will I ever live?