I just want to touch you once. I just want to feel you once.

Like paint splattered in the wind you run across my heart. I only get the drops. I only get what is left over of the life and color. The afterthought.

I won’t drive you away.

To keep you is pain. To let you go is pain. You can’t ever be what I really need. What I really want. I still want you.

No. It is about doing the right thing. It is about making the choice. It isn't about the desire. It isn't about the wish. It isn't about the want. The Hes and Shes, they prosper. The rest, they don’t. It doesn't end.  It never changes. Telling so much. But not. The request to be vulnerable. But making it impossible. She can’t be strong. So another will be. Another will walk away. Another will leave you behind. Because she can’t. Knowing. Understanding. Why do you have to be so strong?  It's the lie all over again. Watching it again. All over.

Memories and dreams. How easily
they are repainted in a new light with
new colors. Erasing what is wished to
be forgotten. Bending and twisting
shape and form to make something
new from something old. Seeing now
that recreating what was lost is not so
difficult. But void can not be erased or
covered. Pure emptiness remains.
Reminding of what once was and can
never be forgotten.

Chasing through the tall meadow grass

Dancing on the lake

Watching the jumping fish

The lapping of the water and my feet

The cool dark sand underneath my toes

A fresh cup of coffee and a lounge chair in the sand

Silence. Alone. Solitude.

Only then can I breathe.

But why then--do I feel so empty.

Why do I long to have you at my side?

Touching my hand and feeling by heart

Breathe in…..Breathe out

Breathe in….Breathe out

Can you feel it?

Do you see it?

The cold chill of winter

There is purple on the snow and the lake is frozen

I see you and you see me and we are enraptured

I feel the fantasy of a strange and mystical world

Circling around our bodies

There is quiet in the midst of chaos.

What did I miss? Where did you go?

Let me keep the illusion of a moment in time.

But She is strong.

Her jaw is set by hardship and she will not back down.

She will not be captured.

She will not be tamed.

Run with her

Look at her and you will see

Her browned skin tangled hair and deep eyes

Her legs are strong but are no match for her mind

Drowning. to keep another afloat.

Clinging. to keep another from falling.

Desperate. to. save. their. souls.

Success. to relinquish this life.

tried with. toyed with. you don’t see me. you only see you.

saying i’m free. you hold me down.

love me. lie to me. it’s all the same.

I take my own hand. I hold my own heart. I give life to myself.