Monday, December 17, 2012
If I stare at the blue sky long enough I can almost remember what summer is. But the howling wind and dead landscape remind me that winter is all that can be known. It reaches far beyond the weather and into my very being where I cannot shake the dark, cold chill of my haunts. Hidden as animals that burrow underground. Presumed by the outsider to be non-existing because they cannot be seen. The life of holiday and family bring only surface comfort. Their embrace cannot touch what they cannot see.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Is there nothing right and wholesome left to be had on this planet? A people of disgrace and disregard. Are there no true lovers, friends, or family left? Let me go. Throw me away on the wings of freedom and I will let the wind catch me for it is more steady than man. Family has forsaken in the name of "love," friends have become liars, and lovers have crushed and broken the spirit of those who loved them most. There is more solace in the cold, dark night than in the arms of those who care.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Will I ever get relief from this pounding, pounding in my head? Will the dry, burning of my eyes ever feel relief? Pounding. Pounding. I beg of you to stop your torment. Please, do not rip my life and my love from my hands! You have not listened to my desperate cries. You have torn my heart from my chest and left me empty. A gaping hole. The life is gone. I feel nothing. You look at me and say "it is for your good." It is good you say? How can it be good to exist as a cold and empty shell...Pounding...Pounding in this cold, empty shell is all I have left.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
You left your mark on me. Your fingers were left on my skin as I consciously covered them with my sweater. I feared the questions that would lead to the revealing marks of what I felt not just on my skin. You pushed against my throat and my mouth. Can they tell by looking at my face? Can they see how my body was thrown on the floor as it relinquished to a stronger force, but not a stronger will? Can they sense my shrinking back into a ravaged body? "Hush," he says, "don't fight me." It will all be over soon if I let him be. That was my mistake. It is still not over.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
The smell of deep, red wine is on her lips. The clear glass presses at her mouth as the warm liquid runs down her throat with a slight burn that reminds her of a passion mixed with pain. Her head falls back as she releases herself to the pleasure of drink flowing with blood. It consumes her body as if it were a lover whom she is given over to, and as quickly as a lover pushes pleasure through her veins, it vanishes.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Deep breath....what else can I do? How is it that things seem to turn upside down so quickly? One minute it is this perfectly focused and at peace mentality and the next I am in a deep dark pit. Breathe...the feelings are so intense and real. I think I have to remember that there are still things that are very good in my life. I have to stop and focus on those things. I must grab hold of the good otherwise I will drown.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Today I had the privilege of getting reacquainted with an old friend. It had been many years since I last heard the rich, low voice of my lovely friend, as my slender fingers gracefully traversed their neck. The flow of conversation came easily as though we had scarcely been apart. Only the dull pain of tender fingers reminded me of how long it had really been. I have fallen in love again. I hope for many more evenings such as this one which are filled with beautifully composed conversations.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
It is such a sad feeling when the festivities are over and the guests go home. The knot in the pit of my stomach reminds me that my check-out from reality is over. The responsibilities of life are now returning and must be dealt with. There is no doubt that everything I left on the table is still there waiting for me to clear it away. It is time to put the child to bed and rouse the adult from slumber.