Impregnated with more than just a child, her mind is full of the life ahead. She sits on the grey cement porch step. A black t-shirt, frayed cut-off shorts, and years that belong to a much older soul. Matter of factually she will talk about her difficult life as though it has easily slipped off of her icy back, but inside she is a million broken pieces swept up and thrown away into the deep cavity of her heart. Hidden for so long, no one would recognize her broken frame if she emerged from the dark places. She knows that the pieces cannot be returned to their original place. They must be used to make something new. Something different. Not what it was. Not what it should have been. Something. Entirely. Different.
Your hand within my reach,
might as well be a million miles away.
Your voice so clear,
but sounds so distant
A wall stands between us,
it will never be broken down.
I kick and scream at the barrier,
which keeps me from you.
You will always replace the bricks I remove.
It runs down her neck and chest.
The light fabric of her dress.
At the hard dry dirt, that coats her feet and legs.
The summer sun, it feels like a hot lover on her dark skin.
The cool water across the way.
Aching to be engulfed.
She lifts her face upward to the sun.
She thrives in the heat.
Through her body.
Her damp-clinging dress.
Herself in the water and Sun.
This feels like driving away with the breeze on my face and
moving through my hair.
I’m not running away but just making a change; going in a
I want to find new people and see new things. I want to make
new choices and lead a new life.
I can’t wait to touch your hand and look into your eyes. I
can’t wait to feel the comfort of being under your gaze and surrounded by your
I don’t want to struggle. I don’t want to worry. I want to
drop the weight and leave it all behind. This is peace.
I want to lie and laugh in the sun with you at my side. Not speaking a word but communicating loud and
Where is my story? Will it be written before it is over?
Will it be told before it ends? Will it start before the finish?
I am scared. I do not have the strength to make it. The pit
is deep. I need to be in the light.
I miss you.
I cannot see you. Encased in my heart, you are buried deep. I
can only feel it beat when I am with you on your hillside. Only with you is it
okay. In the scratchy grass, I sit and wait. Running my fingers across the cool metal plate reminds me of what will never be fulfilled. The fields are below and the
mountains beyond. They are our mountains. I see your flowers are carried away in the wind
and I hear the chime in the tree.
No. It is about doing the right thing. It is about making the choice. It isn't about the desire. It isn't about the wish. It isn't about the want. The Hes and Shes, they prosper. The rest, they don’t. It doesn't
end. It never changes. Telling so much. But not. The request to be vulnerable. But making it impossible. She can’t be strong. So another will be. Another will walk away. Another will leave
you behind. Because she can’t. Knowing. Understanding. Why do you have to be so
strong? It's the lie all over again. Watching it again. All over.
Memories and dreams. How easily
they are repainted in a new light with
new colors. Erasing what is wished to
be forgotten. Bending and twisting
shape and form to make something
new from something old. Seeing now
that recreating what was lost is not so
difficult. But void can not be erased or
covered. Pure emptiness remains.
Reminding of what once was and can
never be forgotten.
It is deep in my belly
I can no longer contain it
My body aches for the expression. the release.
Pushing through my skin
Desperate to be free
The fluid movements of passion control my limbs.
Control my thoughts. My body.
The Fire, it escapes from my depths
Bursting from my every being
To crawl inside your skin. To See through your eyes. To Listen through your ears. To Touch through your hands. To Know your thoughts and Why. Talk. I'll listen. Just to hear the sound of your voice. my lips are silent with anticipation. the beating of my heart is the only sound I make. I see the shell but it is what is underneath that i truly desire. I am grasping for a door, a window, a crack to see. Just a small glimpse of the wonder and beauty inside. But I cannot find it. I am here. You are there. Like swings moving out of sink quickly gliding past with only a blur to reveal who you are.
Running barefoot in the cool green grass. Her pale skirt flowing behind her thin legs. She reaches for the twinkling lights that bounce off her skin and hair. She laughs with the moonlight as they dance together in the siren summer night. Strands of hair falling in her face as she smiles with a joy that breaks the iciest of hearts.