I miss you. As though you were dead.

I want to see you. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you what I feel. I want to know what you feel.

But...

I know it is not what is best. And that is what makes it the hardest.

Loving you. Knowing it is not what is best.

My heart is broken. The tears they fall.

I may seem like ice. But you left me melted.

Making changes. Hearing new ideas.

I only want to share them with you.

You are the first one I want to tell.

Am I only being selfish in my thoughts. In my motives.

Hey, I got new glasses. I’m wearing contacts now. I’m seriously considering a tattoo. I’ve learned some weird shit in sociology of religion. Labor and delivery and pediatrics scares the shit out of me. All these things.

I want you to know.

I want you to know I think about you every single day.

And that isn’t just a line.

I was drinking less, but now I am drinking more. What I wanted out of life, what I wanted in a partner, had never felt closer than when I was with you.

But...