If I slow down...my heart...it stops beating.

My body...it will wither and die. The lion’s strength is only grounded in her fight to protect the weak. Tears will only blur her nightly watch.

Never free to run alone. Living for the life of others. Burdened by the weight of another.

Wanting to run away.

I tied myself to your mast and got swept away.

Will I ever live?

Impregnated with more than just a child, her mind is full of the life ahead. She sits on the grey cement porch step. A black t-shirt, frayed cut-off  shorts, and years that belong to a much older soul. Matter of factually she will talk about her difficult life as though it has easily slipped off of her icy back, but inside she is a million broken pieces swept up and thrown away into the deep cavity of her heart. Hidden for so long, no one would recognize her broken frame if she emerged from the dark places. She knows that the pieces cannot be returned to their original place. They must be used to make something new. Something different. Not what it was. Not what it should have been. Something. Entirely. Different.

Your hand within my reach,
might as well be a million miles away.
Your voice so clear,
but sounds so distant
A wall stands between us,
it will never be broken down.
I kick and scream at the barrier,
which keeps me from you.
You will always replace the bricks I remove.

Sweating,
It runs down her neck and chest.
Soaking,
The light fabric of her dress.
Pounding,
At the hard dry dirt, that coats her feet and legs.
Heating,
The summer sun, it feels like a hot lover on her dark skin.
Enticed,
The cool water across the way.
Her body,
Aching to be engulfed.
Pausing,
She lifts her face upward to the sun.
Smiling,
She thrives in the heat.
Pulsing,
Through her body.
Removing,
Her damp-clinging dress.
Loosing,
Herself in the water and Sun.

Sexual

Conservative

Free       Loving  

Erotic    

Invested

Controlled

Lost

Moving

Trusting

Searching

Looking

Excited

Longing

Documenting

Laughing

Sighing

Wishing

Wanting

Desiring

Passionate

Letting go

Holding tight

Paradox

Never beautiful enough.  Never perfect enough.

For you.

skin not smooth enough. muscles not tone enough.

For you.

No mask.

For you.

Chocolate eyes, tangled hair, brown skin.

Not for you.

This feels like driving away with the breeze on my face and moving through my hair.

I’m not running away but just making a change; going in a different direction.

I want to find new people and see new things. I want to make new choices and lead a new life.

I can’t wait to touch your hand and look into your eyes. I can’t wait to feel the comfort of being under your gaze and surrounded by your touch.

I don’t want to struggle. I don’t want to worry. I want to drop the weight and leave it all behind. This is peace.

I want to lie and laugh in the sun with you at my side.  Not speaking a word but communicating loud and clear.

Where is my story? Will it be written before it is over? Will it be told before it ends? Will it start before the finish?

I am scared. I do not have the strength to make it. The pit is deep. I need to be in the light.

I miss you.

I cannot see you. Encased in my heart, you are buried deep. I can only feel it beat when I am with you on your hillside. Only with you is it okay. In the scratchy grass, I sit and wait. Running my fingers across the cool metal plate reminds me of what will never be fulfilled. The fields are below and the mountains beyond. They are our mountains. I see your flowers are carried away in the wind and I hear the chime in the tree.